A good friend of mine wrote this and wanted me to post it here. She would love to have help to make this a good poem. It's dedicated to her brother.
Everyday you're gone is like a thousand days have passed.
You left at your own pace with a smile on your face,
hoping your worries would be gone.
That only caused more worry upon us.
You're still here in my heart in a way you'll never know.
Even if you wanted it to be, it'll never be over.
I miss you and your smile, welcoming me everyday.
And your laugh that filled me with joy.
Everyday you're gone is like a thousand days have passed.
By: Christina
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Canary word: Present
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These forums are only for poems you have written yourself. If your friend would like some help from the members of YWS, you could try PMing some of your friends here to see if they'd be willing to offer a critique, but posting anything other than your own work in the Poetry forums is considered plagiarism. Also, please don't post full names, yours or anyone else's, on the internet!
Thanks,
Colleen
Awww. Did her brother go to college, or something?
You should use this as a way to make her join so she can post things herself. *manic laughter*
Anyway. This was a good poem.
I would separate these lines. So you have
"..hoping your worries would be gone.
That only caused more worry upon us." These were really good lines.
That was really the only thing I saw.
Tell your friend that I send her luck.... and a cookie. *nods approvingly*
-Sea-